An Incomplete Complete List of Alternative Sciences
Journal of Unnatural Sciences, Vol 3

Animal OutlineOccasionally, Museum of Unnatural History docent Josh comes across a rare, never-before-seen treasure from the museum’s archives.

Today’s discovery is one of the founding documents of the Unnaturalist Society, a list of some of the sciences that can be considered “unnaturalistic.”

Enjoy.

Here at the Museum of Unnatural History we pride ourselves on being DC’s only museum devoted entirely to the Alternative Sciences. And when I tell guests this, the logical next question is What are Alternative Sciences?

I went digging through the archives here to provide some sort of official list. What I found was one of our founding documents: the catalog of accredited alternative sciences written when the Unnaturalist Society was founded in 1826! Here are some of my favorites:

Pseudo-Paleontology: For hundreds of years, paleontologists have been limited by one massive factor: plausibility. They have been weighed down by questions like, “If this bone belonged here, would this stegosaurus be able to walk?” The Pseudo-Paleontologist rejects the notion of plausibility outright, in order to emphasize other important factors, like awesomeness! In addition, Pseudo-Paleontologists spend much of their day asking questions like, “Wouldn’t it be cool if the pterodactyl had an extra arm right here?!?” and, “Why can’t these bones all be from the same animal?”

Non Euclidean-Botany: Almost all of modern Biology is built on the work of the ancient Greek scientist, Marvin Eluclid (not to be confused with his more famous, mathematician brother). Non Eluclidean-Botany posits that Eluclid was probably “full of it,” and builds a new, alternative study of biology that starts with the rejection of Eluclid’s “n-dimensional postulate of photosynthesis” and meanders along from there.

Theoretical Archeology: An Archeologist’s bread and butter is digging.  They must turn up the earth to discover the hidden treasures that lie beneath. The Theoretical Archaeologist appreciates this process, but chooses not to get his hands dirty. Instead, he is inclined to stare at a mound of dirt for a really long time and try and guess what might be hidden below. Then he usually goes out to a fancy and self-congratulatory lunch.

Quantum-Linguistics: This field of study was developed in the early 1800s, when a group of philosophy students and linguistics majors asked the marginally innovative question what language would Schrodinger’s Cat speak? It came to be known as the Linguistic Uncertainty Principle. From this humble beginning, the field of Quantum-Linguistics was born, where scientists discuss the dual particle-like and wave-like behavior of human language and speech. The ultimate goal of this area of study is to develop a “Unified Field Theory of How People Talk Good.”

And there are more. New Alternitive Sciences are invented almost daily. Modern members of the Unnaturalist Society also study Neo-Anatomy, Impressionist-Zoology, and Anti-Sociology, among others.  If this incomplete list makes anything clear, however, it is the nearly limitless potential of scientists when they shake off the constrictive bonds of the so-called “scientific process”.